There's A Threat In The House

The threat of seperation.

The threat of divorce.

The threat of tears.

Sadness.

Fear.

Depression.

The threats are there. So many of them exist. There all here now. In my house. All are unwanted. All are wanted to leave. All want to stay and hang over our heads. All are threatening to fall down at any minute. All are waiting for the breaking point. The one that will start the storm. The one that will have a false calm. The one that will make us all think the worst is over and bring us more pain.

What is one to do when one is so small and helpless? What should that one person do when the divorce is wanted? The one that wants it or the serperation. Is she wrong for wanting it? Is she a bad kid for wanting it? Should she burn for all to see for that want? Should she be punished? All of those things run across her mind now as she writes this. She's not sure how she should feel about the situation, but she knows she wants him to leave. To leave and never come back to her house again. To never bring her mother pain ever.

Temptations run across her mind. Thinking about it makes her fingers itch to spill blood. She won't though. She knows better. She can do better. She will do better than that. She won't do it, no. She's going to resist the temptations of the blade. To resist the tempations of the drugs. Resist it all to hell and back no matter how much it takes. She'll do it this time. She'll cry her eyes out if she has to. No matter the cost, she's telling herself. Her tears are threatening to spill over. That dreaded 'T' word once more. It's there for all the eyes to see. Threat. Treat. Threat. That word. That damned word.

What to do? She asks herself. What should she do with herself now? She fears the temptations. She fears them and they know it. She wants to turn to them, to comfort her like they always have. They beckon her forwards with tempting fingers. Beckon with soft voices. They beckon with the promise of comfort and a shoulder to cry on. She wants it. She wants it all, but she knows better. She made a promise. She's going to keep that promise to the one she loves so much. She won't hurt him again the way she did before. Not ever again. She won't do it.

She starts to think about his heart break. It makes her heart rip more and more with each thought. She knows he cares. She cares for him just as much. The temptations are calling on one side, the Devil on her shoulder, the Promise on the other, the Angel. She knows salvation can be found in the Promise, but is that really where she wants to turn? Does the Promise have comfort, a shoulder to cry on? Of course it does. In that Promise he is waiting. The One and Only.

The tempting calls are stronger still. It's all she's known for who knows how long. She's afraid that the Temptations are all she'll ever know for the rest of her life. Promises have been broken to her in the past. The promise of salvation, of comfort, of love. She's worried about the Promise she made to him. The Promise that souly belongs to him and him alone. The Promise offers light. His light. The Temptations offer darkness. More sadness. She doesn't want more sadness. She won't be able to handle it, but is the Promise really worth it?